Double dumbass on me

(my friend Lisa says all the answers to life's questions are found in Star Trek, after all...)

So I'm making progress with getting over my phobia about biking, but it's still hard to get started on any particular day. Once I get going, I'm fine, but convincing myself to go is the hurdle.

Today was a glorious spring day around Seattle (too bad it isn't going to last), and the perfect day for biking. Mr thalarctos and I biked all the way down to Redmond, and for once, I took the lead on the trail downhill. I'm sure I broke my land speed record, but I can't prove it, since I managed to hit the button on my speedometer that turned off the speed display.

Anyway, I was booking down the trail, and, it being the first nice day in a while, there was traffic for a change on the trail. One guy was struggling up the steep hill I was sailing down, and right before we passed each other, he swerved into my lane. I was sure I was going to hit him, and it scared the liver out of me. I screamed at him, but that didn't get all the adrenaline out of my system; I was still shaking for quite a while afterwards.

But I have to admit that, despite his sucky biking, I'm madder at myself than at him. When I don't have health insurance is not the right time to take chances for no reason, for one thing. And for another, by trying to push through my developing phobia, I actually scared myself worse. I won't let this get me off the bike again, like the time I was hit, but I think the bravado of trying to face down the fear by pushing the limit down the hill is a tactic that is no longer serving me well.